One week ago today my husband and I had to let our buddy Jax go to doggie heaven. I lost a piece of my heart that day.
I know a lot of people think "oh it's just a dog". Jax wasn't just a dog, he was part of my family. He was my baby, my buddy, my shadow, my giver of unconditional love for 10 years. That's the thing about our furry family members, even though we know that we will likely outlive them it doesn't make losing them any easier.
Readjusting to life without him has been very sad for me. Very lonely. Walks around the yard and relaxing on the front porch just aren't the same without him. All of my routines are just off. I'm still not used to getting up in the morning without him standing there with this look of thank goodness you're finally moving I REALLY have to go pee. Going to bed at night and just shutting off the lights and going to bed without one last trip outside still after a week, feels so wrong. The worst is leaving the house and coming home twice I have caught myself walking out to the backyard to the kennel, the first time I panicked a for a few seconds when I saw it was empty then I remembered and felt stupid for panicking because how could I forget? I take that back. The worst is right now, sitting here in my office and looking down by my feet under my desk and the floor is empty.
Maybe some day we will head out to the animal shelter and rescue a new boy or girl to be a part of our family. Not any time soon because I know it won't be the same, you can't replace one with another. My Jax was so sweet, and chill, and he is missed. I hold on to the happy memories that both my boys brought me. We lost Mickey two years ago and I imagine the two of them running through the trees somewhere safe where I don't have to worry about them and the dangers they faced when they would escape and do that in this world.
Rest in peace my buddies. Thanks for all the love and memories.